Reflections
Origninally written November 29th
In this autumn season I take pause to reflect on my life. I take note on if I have cleaned the mirror before I allow distortion to influence my beliefs and actions. I know that this takes patience and practice two things I like to think I do regularly, but more often, fall short on when it comes to Self.
I capitalize self intentionally there to honor that the self can be seen as God or the Universe within, however your beliefs and language is stored does not matter to me. What does matter is that we begin to see the god within and honor ourselves as much as we honor others. This is where I most likely get confused when reflecting on my own behaviors or beliefs. Sometimes this happens because I then believe I am selfish to put my self-care first. Sometimes this happens because it gets muddied in the details of why I did or did not do something. Reality is that when I am present and aware I can be sure I have had self-cleansing habits that allow my thoughts to be clearer for honest reflection. Honest reflection is hard at times if I am not prepared, for the ego wants to protect or make excuses. However, as I am present, aware, and practiced in healthy habits, I am much more able to see the truth and adjust without taking offense to my own thoughts or behaviors that may rise from them.
What I have learned in my yoga teacher training is that with consistent practice I will be able to adjust more easily. With consistent practice my senses will not take as much will power to overcome. Consistent practice builds my balance and strength in ways that only become more evident when tested in real time. What I also have become aware of is how important it is to be determined to be more resilient as I allow my emotions to move through me. I share this because my inner child begins to hear your feelings do not matter or my adult self thinks these feelings are inappropriate and need to be pushed down or aside to be resilient. When in all reality they need to come through, be acknowledged, but not dwelled upon.
The Wabash River in the picture I took at Fort Ouiatenon resonates with me.
The banks of the river are my consistent practice that allows energy to run through and between my values. My practice strengthens my banks to allow the flow, ease of passage. If my practice begins to soften or change, there may be some pools of energy swirling under the edge or a bank that needs to fall away and find its new shape. If I lose consistency in practice, I may even have stagnation along the shore that grabs and holds on to debris, causing distortions in my reflections. What I am most aware of in this present moment is how to slowly clean away the debris. Notice what’s mine and what is not. Ask curious questions that bring new insights to define who I am, so that I am sure the measuring tool I use is suited to the job. (Thank you Karen Rohlf for this lesson)
Where I am in life does affect what is and what is not possible. To be selective about what I do, honors the actions I take. It gives clarity to the priorities I choose. I can not be everything to everyone, but I can be true to myself, which allows me to do more with a whole heart and sincere commitment. This improves my relationships which directly affects my training, parenting, and partnerships. This authenticity then reflects a clearer picture of who I am to the world and those (human or animal) that I touch. Then I produce stronger impact and efficacy to all that I do. Now my actions reflect my beliefs and bring strength to my home, connections, and community.
On the edge of the Wabash River at Fort Ouiatenon in West Lafayette, IN